What is rejection? The dictionary takes a rather superficial approach and defines it as a ‘dismissal’. Last time I checked, the dictionary had the onus of defining an obscene amount of words so I think am ready to let it’s casual attitude towards defining rejection pass. Actually, it’s just that feeling you’re left with when an incompetent person decides that another incompetent person is a tad bit less incompetent than you are and hence you can’t join their team of incompetent dodge-ball players. Okay, so maybe this example is a little specific to my earliest memory of rejection but you get the drift. Whether your first brutal encounter with rejection happened at the mercy of your first love, a college/company or simply at Zara where the clothes decided they’d rather fit someone else, most of us still feel the pit in our stomach like it was yesterday. While the feeling passes, our ability to take chances shrinks alarmingly. Hence, to uphold our right to make unabashed stupid decisions, I babble on.
Over the years, thankfully, the sting of ‘not making the cut’ has reduced tremendously. I no longer remember rejection as vividly and people who’ve made the decision to choose someone else no longer make it to my list of nemeses .. or is it nemesi? nemesesses? Anyway, one simple explanation for this could be that my memory is not what it used to be and holding a grudge gets exhausting with age but I think I have a few good years ahead of me before I consider this theory tenable.
I’ve had the chance to look at this feeling a little more deeply and I think there are two fundamental aspects to rejection that we need to re-examine. No, I am not going to suggest a positive outlook or a change of mindset but aspects that we’ve gotten wrong at an elemental level.
Feel, Do not internalize
One of the biggest mistakes we make is to take everything personally. As hard as it is to believe, the big bang did not happen to initiate a chain of events that would one day lead to a situation stacked against your favor. Yet, we react by wallowing in self-pity as if the universe were out to get us. The universe has other things to worry about. Like how after nearly 14 billion years and so many iterations to design the peak of evolution, it has humans to show for all its efforts. But really, the next time you feel down and out, resist from making up a story to explain your situation... at least initially. Just hang on till the feeling passes and voila! your ability to look at your experience objectively will once again be in your hands.
Did you really want it anyway?
It’s time to address the elephant in the room — did you really want this anyway? It might seem ridiculous, but i believe that maybe we weren’t born with the desire to work in an enclosed space for 10 hours a day, 5 days a week (if we’re lucky). Clearly, the idea was sold to us somewhere along the way. And we bought it. Look at it this way- If Julius Caesar were born today, his skill set would get him rejected from pretty much everywhere. On second thoughts, maybe that’s not true. Maybe warfare tactics would have come in handy with office politics. The point is that times change and society is going to demand a different version of you as a means to sustain itself. And if you’re not meeting today’s standards, that’s alright — a different place and a different time would have been lucky to have you.
If you do stop taking rejection personally and start getting real about what it is you truly want, you’ll notice that you’re willing to take more chances. By taking more chances, you’re more likely to succeed. Wow, I inadvertently stumbled upon the formula for success. Clearly, I have undersold my genius with a modest title for this article. Just kidding. What is more likely to happen is that you will take more chances and some of them will be batshit crazy, some will be crazy, one might just be brilliant but what the hell… who’s keeping count??
